The Call

Falls Creek Baptist Church camp was my summer haven as a child and as a teen.  I look back with such fond memories!  I got my first kiss at that camp. I also got a tush full of cactus pricks at the same time.  (I had sat down on a cactus; the poor guy never knew.)  My friend had to pick them out later as I shared my story of my first kiss. I must be a great storyteller because she went on to marry that guy 5 or 6 years later.

Falls Creek was where I first received the call to become a pastor.  I know it was God, because it was the same voice that invited me to become a part of His family 5 years prior at the age of 11.  It was a hot summer evening and I could feel the breeze blowing through the open air pavilion.  I was 16 and feeling pretty invincible!  It was one of the special services where they added an altar call for those feeling called to ministry.  I once again found myself at the altar, as if I had been transported from my seat, past hundreds of teens, down to the front!  Tears were streaming down my face, my heart was pounding; it felt as if I had just run a marathon.  I was excited and scared, my head was swirling, but I knew without a doubt that this was what Jesus was asking from me: I was to serve Him and serve His church. 

They called us to a back area. A pastor then walked up to me and quietly told me that females couldn't be pastors.  He said I could work with children or be a missionary, but I could not pastor. 

My head began to swim with emotion.  I knew this was Jesus. I knew it like I knew the concrete under my feet was both hard and cool.  Then in that moment I thought of my mom: could this pastor be mistaken?  He could!  He could love Jesus and still be wrong.

I knew my heart was right. I had learned the touch and voice of Jesus.  So, what now?  I turned around and went back to my seat.  I told Jesus I was His and that I would follow Him, no turning back, no turning back!  

In the beginning...

Where did my story begin?  My story as a believer began in the summer of 1976 at Falls Creek Baptist Church Camp.  I was 11 years old and it had been a rough year at home.  One of my three brothers had become involved in drugs and there had been some pretty scary moments for me as a young tween.  Summer camp was a welcome reprieve.  What I didn't realize was that I was in a divine set-up.

Morning sessions at camp were followed by break-out sessions in these open pavilions.  I chose a session with a speaker named Eddie. He told the story of how he shot his mother while strung out on drugs. He told us that even as his mother bled out, she was praying for his soul.  He went through the entire story of how Jesus saved him spiritually and physically.  I knew without a doubt that I needed that Jesus! Earlier that summer I had seen my own strung-out brother trying to leave our house, his being confronted by my other brother, and a pretty intense wrestling match over a loaded shotgun: this Jesus needed to come to my house! 

I had always been in church, three times a week like clockwork. But no one had ever talked about a Jesus who liked to clean up messy people! 

After the camp break-out sessions, we all met in the big pavilion for worship, teaching, and an altar call, (there was always an altar call!)  I found myself up front before the altar call was even finished.  I knew I needed this Jesus!  After they walked me through the Romans Road, I was told to go back to my church on Sunday and walk down the aisle again, so that my church could celebrate my new salvation.

Falls Creek Pavilion where I met Jesus.

The following Sunday, I went with my family to our church, the local Methodist church and did as that counselor told me. I walked the aisle at the end of church.

My mom was beaming with pride! 

The pastor, however, was not.

He told me in no uncertain terms that I had to go sit down, and that I could not get saved until I went through the confirmation class. 

My mom was pissed!  She was baptist through and through and only went to the Methodist church to appease my dad.  She challenged my pastor later that week.  I learned such a huge lesson from my mom that week; it was a lesson that has helped me to survive. She taught me that even pastors can be wrong, and that is okay to challenge spiritual authority! 

I watched her do that over an over through my life!  She loved Jesus, fiercely!!  I even remember her teaching the Methodist children in Sunday School different methods of baptism.  When the pastor met with her and told her, "you can't teach just anything that comes out of your butt", my mom replied that she only teaches the bible and showed him the scripture she used.  I don't know exactly what transpired behind closed doors, but I do know that we started attending the Baptist church shortly after that (and I do remember the exact quote of the pastor telling her not to teach out of her butt.)  I want to clarify that I went on to work at two Methodist churches later in my life and those pastors loved ALL of the word of God.  

I believe in the inerrant word of God!  I do not believe in the inerrant word of people!  Scripture is clear that we ALL know in part and prophecy in part (1 Cor. 13:9). What does that mean to me?  It means I am never going to get it completely right.  It also means that no pastor, or other authority, is going to get it completely right.  We are called to entrust ourselves to Jesus, He alone is able to care for our hearts.  We are called to fellowship with the body of believers, He set up the five fold leaders to train us, but He never tells us to entrust our hearts completely to anyone but Him. 

This has been a weakness of mine, not the pastors’ fault at all!  Pastors are people; not perfect, just people.  It is up to me to always remain teachable, and never seek a king that is not Jesus!  We are a lot like Israel, in that we want kings to run our churches, and spoon feed us the scripture.  The Holy Spirit was sent to be our teacher; the five fold ministers were set up to equip us, meaning to fit us all together, show us our gifts and send us out to change the world.  I love the pastors that I have sat under, they have taught me more than they will ever know.  I have learned from their strengths and their weaknesses.  I have been a pastor myself for over 25 years, I have had successes and lots of failures. (that will be for another blog.)

I know we have all been hurt.  I've hurt some without even knowing it.  I've been hurt, and didn't always have the courage to do anything about it.  I have learned that I am valuable, and that you are valuable!  We were created to fit together into this beautiful thing called the church.  It's not as easy as it sounds, but still, this is the heart of Jesus.  He will return for His Bride, and that is the church fitted together and connected beyond all offenses, and allowing His love to cover a multitude of sins.  We can't forsake the church, it's Kingdom and if we want heaven on earth we have to dive into the messiness of being connected and be vulnerable with messy people. The purpose is to let the church, the people, the pastors, led us on our road to becoming the beautiful unoffendable bride that Jesus died for, that begins with staying connected and getting over our offenses. 

Where have you been offended?  Have you talked to Jesus about it?  He really does care.  Forgive!  It's a choice, not a feeling.  Unforgiveness is a poison that steals your life away.  Have you confessed your pain to someone else? Are you connected to a church?  There is healing in connection.  There is also healing in your story! 

I am on my road to real, and I invite you to join me!

Tell your story!

On the road to real,

Dawn Martin

Welcome to My Road

Good morning,

My name is Deborah Dawn Martin, but my friends call me Dawn.  I'm the wife of an airline pilot, the mom of three grown adults, and the grandmother to three grand littles!  To many outside of my family, I am Pastor Dawn, there are many others who call me Mama Dawn.  But, I have learned in recent years that even though I answer to many titles, none are the essence of who I am.  In fact, I am still learning who I am!  I am almost 55 years old and I am still on my road to the real me!

This little blog will unpack my discovery process, and I hope it will inspire you on your journey to the real you!  I am a culmination of my past, my present, and the future that God has stored up in His heart for me! Through a lifetime of ministry I have learned a lot about people, but very little about me.

The early lessons I learned as a child in the church was to put on a Sunday face and never let them see the real messy you!  

The problem with that is that you never really get to know yourself. Eventually, when life presses in, you will crack wide open, and it will get messy!  That's what happened to me last year.  What I learned from my messy is a lot!  The most important thing that I learned is that it didn't surprise, disappoint, or disgust Jesus in any way.  He gets me!  He really gets me, and he thinks my ugly tears are beautiful.

One of my biggest lessons I’m learning is about my heart.  I have always wanted to be like David; not King David, but shepherd David. He was the one who was after God's own heart before anyone else knew him (1 Samuel 13:14). He was the youngest (like me). He found his heart for God in the wilderness with the sheep, with the bears, with the lions, but most importantly, all alone with himself. 

Being an extrovert, I have never been great at being alone. But this past year, God has stripped me and stripped me, to help me find my own heart. How can you have a heart for God if you don't know anything about your own heart?  I have spent so much of my life helping others discover what was in their hearts, that I missed out on discovering what was in my heart! 

God doesn't just want me to love Him, (which I do and have for as long as I can remember), He wants passion!  Passion comes from a heart that is fully alive!  It comes for a heart that is real and raw and messy, like David's was.  His passion flowed out in worship, in war, in dreaming, in building, in relationship, in messy, messed-up life decisions, but it was always filled with real, raw passion!  His love for God was courageous!  The thing about courage is that it is only evident in the presence of fear. Courage is the ability to choose to do something that is frightening.

There is a lot that frightens me!  Failing, not having real friends, being alone, letting God down, not being a good mother, not having purpose, the list goes on and on.  But courage, real courage, is showing up and being real!

What dream in your heart scares you the most?  What step can you take this week to move towards that dream?

Welcome to my road to real!
—Dawn Martin

What is real?

I think it's important for me to define what I mean by "real".  My definition of real comes from the book, The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams.  This is the part of the story where Rabbit learns the meaning of real from the Skin Horse.

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” (excerpt from the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams)

In 2012, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  As my hair started to fall out, I thought of the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse.  It was encouraging, because I was becoming "real"!  I'm not quite to the place where I don't mind being hurt.  But, during that season I felt the love of so many around me, and it gave me courage to continue on!  I spent a lot of time thinking about those who never become real, because they break easily, have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept.  I have fallen into each of those categories over the years, yet the words of the Skin Horse echo through my spirit.  Jesus is my personal skinned horse and He is constantly drawing me closer to real.  He is the voice of wisdom, my counselor, my friend, and my coach!  He has encouraged me to find coaches along the way and they have helped me to make hard decisions, good decisions, scary decisions!  I am grateful for the coaches that helped me to become a better version of real; I am more real today than I was yesterday!

On my road to real, I have felt the honor of being called to coach others on their road to real. It is my quest, my passion, and my honor to coach others on their road to finding their destiny!  If you are looking for a coach on your journey, email me at deborahdawn@roadtoreal.com.

On the road to real,

Deborah Dawn Martin