Morning sessions at camp were followed by break-out sessions in these open pavilions. I chose a session with a speaker named Eddie. He told the story of how he shot his mother while strung out on drugs. He told us that even as his mother bled out, she was praying for his soul. He went through the entire story of how Jesus saved him spiritually and physically. I knew without a doubt that I needed that Jesus! Earlier that summer I had seen my own strung-out brother trying to leave our house, his being confronted by my other brother, and a pretty intense wrestling match over a loaded shotgun: this Jesus needed to come to my house!
I had always been in church, three times a week like clockwork. But no one had ever talked about a Jesus who liked to clean up messy people!
After the camp break-out sessions, we all met in the big pavilion for worship, teaching, and an altar call, (there was always an altar call!) I found myself up front before the altar call was even finished. I knew I needed this Jesus! After they walked me through the Romans Road, I was told to go back to my church on Sunday and walk down the aisle again, so that my church could celebrate my new salvation.
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| Falls Creek Pavilion where I met Jesus. |
The following Sunday, I went with my family to our church, the local Methodist church and did as that counselor told me. I walked the aisle at the end of church.
My mom was beaming with pride!
The pastor, however, was not.
He told me in no uncertain terms that I had to go sit down, and that I could not get saved until I went through the confirmation class.
My mom was pissed! She was baptist through and through and only went to the Methodist church to appease my dad. She challenged my pastor later that week. I learned such a huge lesson from my mom that week; it was a lesson that has helped me to survive. She taught me that even pastors can be wrong, and that is okay to challenge spiritual authority!
I watched her do that over an over through my life! She loved Jesus, fiercely!! I even remember her teaching the Methodist children in Sunday School different methods of baptism. When the pastor met with her and told her, "you can't teach just anything that comes out of your butt", my mom replied that she only teaches the bible and showed him the scripture she used. I don't know exactly what transpired behind closed doors, but I do know that we started attending the Baptist church shortly after that (and I do remember the exact quote of the pastor telling her not to teach out of her butt.) I want to clarify that I went on to work at two Methodist churches later in my life and those pastors loved ALL of the word of God.
I believe in the inerrant word of God! I do not believe in the inerrant word of people! Scripture is clear that we ALL know in part and prophecy in part (1 Cor. 13:9). What does that mean to me? It means I am never going to get it completely right. It also means that no pastor, or other authority, is going to get it completely right. We are called to entrust ourselves to Jesus, He alone is able to care for our hearts. We are called to fellowship with the body of believers, He set up the five fold leaders to train us, but He never tells us to entrust our hearts completely to anyone but Him.
This has been a weakness of mine, not the pastors’ fault at all! Pastors are people; not perfect, just people. It is up to me to always remain teachable, and never seek a king that is not Jesus! We are a lot like Israel, in that we want kings to run our churches, and spoon feed us the scripture. The Holy Spirit was sent to be our teacher; the five fold ministers were set up to equip us, meaning to fit us all together, show us our gifts and send us out to change the world. I love the pastors that I have sat under, they have taught me more than they will ever know. I have learned from their strengths and their weaknesses. I have been a pastor myself for over 25 years, I have had successes and lots of failures. (that will be for another blog.)
I know we have all been hurt. I've hurt some without even knowing it. I've been hurt, and didn't always have the courage to do anything about it. I have learned that I am valuable, and that you are valuable! We were created to fit together into this beautiful thing called the church. It's not as easy as it sounds, but still, this is the heart of Jesus. He will return for His Bride, and that is the church fitted together and connected beyond all offenses, and allowing His love to cover a multitude of sins. We can't forsake the church, it's Kingdom and if we want heaven on earth we have to dive into the messiness of being connected and be vulnerable with messy people. The purpose is to let the church, the people, the pastors, led us on our road to becoming the beautiful unoffendable bride that Jesus died for, that begins with staying connected and getting over our offenses.
Where have you been offended? Have you talked to Jesus about it? He really does care. Forgive! It's a choice, not a feeling. Unforgiveness is a poison that steals your life away. Have you confessed your pain to someone else? Are you connected to a church? There is healing in connection. There is also healing in your story!
I am on my road to real, and I invite you to join me!
Tell your story!
On the road to real,
Dawn Martin
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